just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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