So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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