someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
