It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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