oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
