I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
