She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
