I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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