i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
