I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
