he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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