I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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