I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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