Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
