Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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