before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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