Can Purell be used as lube?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
