If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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