one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
