It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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