did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish i was in the wii world.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
