and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
