I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
