with your own penis?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
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Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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