i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My dick has a subreddit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
