o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
