I faked an abortion last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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