Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
