I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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