WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I could make wine with my vomit
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
