I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
