At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
