I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
