1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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