you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
