omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
