is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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