Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
