Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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