You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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