Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
