I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
