I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
