Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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