i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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