I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
