so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
