I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
