Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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