I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
