there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
