I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
