We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
