Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My cat gives me a boner
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
