I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
