make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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