My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You are a genius and a whore.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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