just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
