he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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