Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
