I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
