I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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