I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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