yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
