Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
