Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
