i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
