thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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