I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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