This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
