Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
