im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
