normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
