I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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