Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Who wears a wallet chain?!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
