I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there was a trapeze. enough said
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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