Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
