You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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