Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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