i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize