He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
