Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
